


Spider-Man: Taking Responsibility

by ArcherSceptile



Category: Marvel (Comics), Spider-Man (Comicverse)
Genre: F/M, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-25 04:59:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17718521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArcherSceptile/pseuds/ArcherSceptile
Summary: Peter Parker's greatest battle has always been his eternal struggle to find a balance between being Peter and being Spider-Man. Even after having a daughter with his wife, he's still running out the house at the first sign of trouble. Join Peter on a self-reflective journey as one day he comes home and Mary Jane left.





	Spider-Man: Taking Responsibility

**Author's Note:**

> This story does contain elements of depression and an attempted suicide by cop scene, and if either of those things will make you uncomfortable or trigger you, PLEASE do not continue reading.

“Face it, Tiger, you just hit the jackpot!” Mary Jane Watson said as Peter opened the door. Peter could only respond by staring, with his mouth agape.  **This** was the girl that Aunt May wanted him to meet? She was breathtakingly beautiful and just oozed confidence in the way she stood. Peter tried to come up with a response, but he could only stutter in response. “Too bad that you spent all of your winnings so early. Lost the entire fortune, tsk tsk.” Mary Jane started laughing, softly at first, but then the laughter started getting louder and louder, like an echo chamber. Peter clenched his eyes shut until the laughter ceased. 

The first thing he felt upon opening his eyes was the cold sting of the air around him. He was in full costume, but without his mask. Tears were in his eyes, but he was unsure if they were from the cold air or from the memories that were tied to where he suddenly ended up. He’s standing upon the tower of the Brooklyn Bridge. His Spider-Sense started tingling, causing him to turn around. Expecting to see Gwen, he’s shocked as he saw MJ in her stead. 

“You coulda saved her Peter!” She yelled. “You’re a science nerd. You should have known a sudden deceleration would have been lethal for her. If you would have saved her, you never would have lost me. You two could have been happy, and we could have been friends. Falling in love ruined everything.” She sneered that last statement, and with superhuman speed, she dashed forward, knocking both of them off of the tower.

* * *

 

“MARY JANE!!!” Peter screams, being woken up from his latest nightmare. He’s staring at his bed and is hit by the realization that he’s adhered to his ceiling… again. He drops back onto his bed and just sits there. It’s 10 pm, and he’s been asleep for almost a full day. He wants to get up, to go patrol the city, but he just can’t bring himself to do it. Collapsing back into his bed, he lies there contemplating his life. His apartment starts shaking, prompting him to drag himself out of bed. He feels as if someone is watching him, but ignores it since his Spider-Sense isn’t going off. After minutes of searching, he finally found what he was looking for. 

A shadow across the night sky, Spider-Man flits through the air. He dances with gravity as if it was just a suggestion to him. Backflips, wall runs and web swinging is all he focuses on as he traverses New York City. He’s too late as he sees Daredevil, Iron Fist, Luke Cage and Jessica Jones apprehending Avalanche. As he watches from the shadows, he sees Daredevil look directly at where he’s perched, and then gesture to the rooftop of a nearby building. Resigning himself to the fact that he knows there’s nowhere he could go where Daredevil couldn’t find him, he decided to head to the rooftop. 

“You’re late,” Daredevil states as Peter climbs on the rooftop. He’d question how Daredevil got up here before him, but Daredevil’s feats defy explanations. “Why are you back in black?” 

“Hello, Pot? This is kettle calling,” Peter cracks, and the dryness of his tone doesn’t escape Daredevil, who is also wearing a black costume. 

“I was going to ask if you wanted to join the Defenders, but something happened to you, and now I want to know if you’re alright Peter,” Daredevil says with a note of compassion. “Is it Mary Jane or May?” 

“MJ. We broke up,” Peter responds flatly. “But I’m ok. Glad you guys caught him since I was too late.” 

“Peter, not every villain in New York is your problem,” Upon hearing that, he starts thinking of his last argument with Mary Jane.

* * *

 

_ “It’s not your problem. Peter, you have a family!” Mary Jane exclaimed. “Just last night you fought 8 different villains. And none of them were yours. Iron Man, Moon Knight, the X-Men, they can fight their own battles.”  _

_ “I have a responsibility MJ!” Peter yelled, and then instantly cringed as their newborn daughter started crying. Mary Jane picked up their daughter and started bobbing her up and down so she can settle. Continuing in a whisper he added “Besides Iron Man is off Avengering, Moon Knight is somewhere, and the X-Men are in space for like the 37th time this month. I have to do this, to protect the city.”  _

_ “Peter, I know. Believe me, I know. But now things are different. Maybe not permanently, but at least until Mayday is old enough to understand her dad is Spider-Man. There’s like over 100 heroes in New York alone, I’m sure some of them can defend the city as you take a break.” Mary Jane pleaded.  _

_ “MJ, I love you. I love both of you, and I’d love nothing more than to do that. But if I do,  turn my back on everything I stand for. And I still have to atone for wh-” He was interrupted by the sound of his Avengers ID card going off. “We’ll continue this later, I have to assemble, or whatever it is Tony is calling it now.”  _

_ “I’m sick of you pushing us away Peter. If you leave, you’re coming back to an empty house.” As she said that, Peter was already out the window, swinging away. _

* * *

 

“Are you ok?” Daredevil asks as Peter has been unresponsive for several minutes. Peter nods and then turns to leave. Before he could go, Daredevil grabbed his arm. “Seriously Peter, I know you’re not ok. You need to stop planting the weight of the world on your shoulders and accept not everything is your fault.”  __

“This is my fault. I pushed her away. I focused more on Spider-Man than her and our daughter.” 

“That just means you can’t do that anymore. I know me of all people shouldn’t be talking, but you need a balance between your two halves. If you can show her more balance between Peter and Spider-Man, then you show her that you’re serious about her.” Peter affirms his understanding and swings off, trying to get away from the feeling someone is watching him. 

As he’s swinging around, he passes by the nightclub that Mary Jane owns. Deciding to give Daredevil’s advice a shot, he lands on the adjacent building to change out of his costume. Looking towards the window of her office, he sees her in there, laughing and chatting with Tony Stark. Sitting back down on the roof, he rips his mask off, silent tears streaming down his face. His heart feels like it's going sink through the building he’s sitting on. Seeing her happy, it reminded him of how in the final moments, he drained the happiness from her. He doesn't want to accept the love of his life is gone. That he screwed up and now he lost her. All of her features are ingrained in his very being. The silkiness of her skin as his fingers run across them, the warmth of her lips as they capture his. Her hair, the waves of fire that he lost countless hours combing through with his hands. Her nose crinkles whenever she laughs and she swears it doesn't. Whenever he held her in his arms, he felt like they were two jigsaw puzzle pieces finally being fitted together. Satan himself couldn't separate them, but he did. All because of this superheroing. It made him depressed after he accidentally killed a woman in a fight with Wolverine. His anger got the best of him and he punched with his full strength. That depression, that guilt, it's never gone away. Every year since it's happened, he always gets depressed around that time, but this was the worst. And instead of saying something to MJ, he decided to hold it in, constantly throwing people off with bad jokes and letting no one else in. She knew something was up, she was too smart not to. But after that big argument, she finally asked herself what's the point. Spider-Man ruined this relationship, in Peter's mind. If he wasn't Spider-Man, then he would still have been with her. He knows it's an irrational thought, but it's the thought that he's going to latch onto. Well that's it then, Spider-Man no more!

* * *

 

He hasn’t felt any better in the past month since he stopped being Spider-Man. His entire day now mainly is spent with him lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling, with the only breaks coming from turning in an invention or something at Horizon Labs to keep his job. He wants to do things to avoid his own thoughts, but he can’t find the energy to do so. He misses Mary Jane and May. Not a moment goes that he doesn’t wish he didn’t drive her away.

Sleep is also something that has started to leave him. He’ll close his eyes, and reopen them as he relives all the worst moments in his life. They’re all his fault, and there’s nothing he can do to solve this. Thanksgiving was a week ago, and ever since, he’s felt even more hollow inside.

* * *

 

Christmas Day normally brings cheer into the city, but for Peter, it brought back painful memories. In his empty house, he realizes he has nothing to live for anymore. He walks through the house, stopping through each room. He reaches the bathroom and is looking for the sleeping pills Mary Jane used to feed him when she felt he wasn’t getting enough sleep. He was always appreciative of the fact she would take care of him. She has saved him more times than he has saved anyone, and he can never repay him for that. Her presence alone calms him down more than Aunt May’s wheatcakes ever could. He finds the bottle, but there are only 2 pills left. He angrily tosses the pill bottle away, causing the plastic to shatter like glass when it hits the wall. He doesn’t know what to do, how to deal with these thoughts or why he’s even still alive. 

He collapses onto his couch, defeated, and turns on the television. The news is showing Hobgoblin causing chaos, which angers Peter to no end. Normally he would just sit there and wait for another hero to deal with him, but Hobgoblin is the cause of everything. He tried to create a new Sinister Six, which led to the Avengers needing Spider-Man on that night. He got away, but they captured the other 5 members. Seeing red, he grabs his black costume and swings out for a final confrontation. 

Pumpkin bombs are raining from the sky in Midtown and the Hobgoblin is on a killing spree. 

“That’s right, run everyone!” He yells atop his glider. “Let’s bring the Spider out to play!” Laughing maniacally, all the civilians nearby start to drop. He throws a pumpkin bomb at a downed woman, but Peter arrives just in time. Firing his webbing, he latches onto the bomb and swings it away from the woman. Aiming for the Hobgoblin, he lets go, and the bomb detonates his Goblin Glider. Hobgoblin didn’t even touch the ground before Peter was on top of him, punching him. Hobgoblin catches his breath and knocks Peter off of him. Unleashing his laugh, Peter sinks to his knees, clutching his ears in pain. Peter gives in to his rage and forces himself to stand up. As his body screams in pain, his mind can only focus on one thing: silencing Hobgoblin for good. Fear creeps onto the Hobgoblin’s face as he sees Peter moving closer and closer to him. He fires a web shot at Hobgoblin’s mouth. With the laughter ceased, Peter moves quickly and punches him hard enough for the webbing to rip. The mask of the Hobgoblin is cracked Peter can see half of his face, fear in that solitary green eye. “You-you're supposed to be a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man!” 

“I used to be, but that’s over,” Peter says, as he punches the Hobgoblin again. Blood pours from his mouth and the crazed look on his face is completely gone. “You’re done, Hobgoblin. Permanently.” Grabbing him by the throat, he gears up to punch him one final time. A strand of black webbing attaches to Hobgoblin, yanking him from Peter’s grasp. Enraged, Peter turned around, coming face to face with Agent Venom. 

“Get ahold of yourself Spider-Man. You were about to kill him. Why?” Venom asks. 

“You’ve been following me, haven’t you?” Peter asks. “That’s why my Spider-Sense didn’t go off.” Venom nods his head, confirming Peter’s theory. Peter punches him in retaliation. Venom slams him into a wall, which cracks upon the impact. As he lies there, he realizes a solution to his problem. Venom grabs him by the ankle and tosses him across the lot. He morphs his arm into a lance and lunges to stabs Peter, who just continues to lay there. Venom stops, catching on to what’s happening. The symbiote head melts back, revealing the angry face of Flash Thompson underneath. 

“So that’s it? Mary Jane breaks up you so you’re actively trying to die now?” Flash asks. Peter still doesn't respond, angering Flash more. He suppresses his full anger, so the symbiote doesn’t get corrupted, but the feeling is still palpable enough for Peter to notice. “Newsflash, Pete; if you were to die, Mary Jane would never be the same. She loves you still you idiot. She probably broke up with you because of your penchant to put the entire world on your shoulders and push people away when that weight gets to be too much.” Seeing the brief flash of recognition across Peter’s mask prompted Flash to keep going. “Breakups affect both people involved, not just you. I get you’re hurting, but death isn’t the answer. You may be able to fix your relationship, you may not, but this, this isn’t the way. You said with great power there must also come great responsibility, so take responsibility. But don’t try to kill yourself. Please. How do you think your daughter would feel if she grew up knowing her dad killed himself before even getting to know her?” Flash turns to walk away but stops when he hears Peter standing up. 

“You’re right Flash,” is all Peter says, shooting off a web. As Peter swings away, Flash hears the echo of an apology and a thank you trail behind him. 

As he swings around, he reflects on what Flash said to him. Flash was right, he doesn't want May growing up without her Dad, he knows full well what that feels like. But he had Aunt May and Uncle Ben, and even though they weren't his parents biologically, they were his support system, and the parents that raised him. May would be robbed out of a loving family and he doesn't want that. There's still a voice in his head commanding he die for what he's done, and honestly, he can't argue with it. Every time he passes a building he swings by, he thinks of different ways that physics can work to the voice's advantage. Before he could put any more thoughts in his head of the physics, he instead gains thoughts of his daughter. A desire to see her walk, to hear her talk, to see her age. He wants to grow with her, and these new thoughts are quelling his desire to succumb to the voices. 

With a slightly reinvigorated desire to live, he knows exactly where he has to go. 

* * *

He sees her in her office, alone at her desk. He taps on the window, startling her. Miming that he wants to open the window, she nods her head at him. After he comes inside, he immediately removes his mask. 

“I’m sorry. I screwed up,” Peter says. “This isn’t a Peter Parker/Spider-Man thing, this is an I pushed you away and I’m sorry for that.” 

“Peter…” Mary Jane starts. She sighs and stands up from her desk. Putting her hand on the side of his face, she pulls him forward and hugs him. “I saw the news. I saw you fighting Hobgoblin. You were trying to kill him. And that made me angry. You were about to cross a line that ate at you for years the last time you did it. But then Venom came and you let him beat you up without putting up a fight. You were trying to kill yourself, Pete.” She hugs him tighter, resting his head on her shoulder. “I couldn’t bear to lose you, Pete. You mean the world to me.” 

“You mean the world to me too, MJ. And I’ll do anything to prove that,” Peter responds. He moves his head to kiss her, but she stops him. 

“Peter, I need time. I’ve been so angry at you for so long, I didn’t know how to process it. You had a moment where you were considering killing yourself, and that’s not something that I can just overlook. That’s not something you can overlook. You need to remember that I’m here for you to talk to. I love you Peter, and we’re going to have to rebuild our relationship. For our sakes, and for Mayday’s.” 

“I love you too. And you’re right. I need help. I can’t keep everything inside, and I need to confront that event from years ago. That’s what I’m going to do MJ. I’m going to confront this, to heal myself,” Peter swears. 

“You need to be Peter Parker,” Mary Jane says. “You need to hang up the webs for a bit and work on yourself. I'll be here once you feel like you’re ready to try this again, and you can see May at any time. I’ll talk to Tony and see if there’s a therapist he can recommend.” 

“I’ll accept Tony’s recommendation, and I will be hanging up the webs for a while,” Peter affirms. “This will probably be the last time we talk for a while, so I want to say thank you for not giving up on me. And I understand why you took May and left.”

“I’m not going to apologize for that, but I do owe you an apology for not reaching out. For not letting you know that I haven’t given up on you. I can’t imagine the thoughts that were and are still going through your head, and it wasn’t fair to pile that on you with no explanation.” Mary Jane says. Peter can’t think of anything to say, so instead, he just hugs her again. She reciprocates the hug and they stand there for a few minutes, just enjoying this simple gesture that means the world to them both. As they break apart, they smile at each other, tears in both their eyes. “How are you going to feel though, knowing the city has one less hero? I know it must be eating at you.”

“Way ahead of you on that front MJ,” Peter responds, dialing a number on his phone. “Hello? Kaine? I need a favor from you, brother.” 

**Author's Note:**

> This is post "One More Day" in a universe where Peter said no to Mephisto and accepted the death of his Aunt May. I really wanted to share that because I believe the end of OMD and a lot of subsequent stories really nerfed Peter's character growth.


End file.
